Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
