Betty ford says i'm here all night
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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