is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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