okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
