dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
