grandma shit on top of the toilet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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