So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
