I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
