I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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