My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize