Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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