So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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