I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
