Apparently you make a good broom.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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