He kissed a someone with a penis
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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