Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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