i was born a porn star she said
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
