if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
