I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My nipple is on Facebook.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
