Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
