just tell him i said nine months
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
