Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
