my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
