i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
