Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
