my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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