I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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