allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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