I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
