Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
