Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize