I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize