STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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