Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
