just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
