I'm so fucking centered right now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
