Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So apparently I’m into choking now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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