I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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