She announced her abortion via fbk
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
