how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
