oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
