i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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