I wish I could punch you in the face.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
