she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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