I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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