Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
