As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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