i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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