I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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