I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
