how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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