just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
