I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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