I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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