How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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