Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize