Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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