Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
