So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
