woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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