Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
