question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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