would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
