I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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