Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
