did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
