brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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