I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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