Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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