I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
